Recently at my pharmacy, the RiteAid where I usually have prescriptions filled, one of my pharmacist friends told my daughter that to become a NASA engineer is no simple task. It takes a special breed of person to achieve that accomplishment. It struck me as odd that it takes a special person to become a NASA engineer because, working at NASA, I'm surrounded by individuals who indeed are all special. When you are one in a sea of many, you don't think of yourself as special. In fact, I still think I'm normal, but that difference is more than likely the source of tension in my life.
What I find normal, others seem to find extraordinary. A friend and colleague once told me that he is commonly asked, isn't his job boring. He said that sitting in front of a computer screen 8 to 10 hours a day, looking at numbers, writing computer programs, and making a graph from time to time is exciting to him because he is developing the latest technology in human evolution of knowledge to predict how well an aircraft or spacecraft will fly. The general person in the world looks at us as if we are strange for finding excitement in making a plot and looking at a few numbers. So the moral of his take on what others see us do, is that what we are doing looks boring because the outsider cannot understand exactly what we are doing. That's the beginning of understanding why we seem to think we are normal and others think we are weird.
Another recent life changing event brought fourth a crossing of G-d sent angels to my fiance, when I was confronted about something that stressed me into a state of shock. The event is not germane here, but the recognition that an angel was sent, is. Today, I had another angel come to me, out of the blue; and old colleague and former assistant branch head where I work at NASA. We discussed our family's dynamics, and in particular dealing with our children. It seems that parents in my workplace commonly discuss issues that arise from time to time to make sure they are doing the right thing. After all, we are all strange to the outside, but common inside NASA. This gentleman (angel) said that to become a NASA engineer, we took a path that was very different from everyone else.
The path we followed to NASA was characterized as socially inept acts, academically dominated thought, and deeply driven desires. Most of us knew before we made it to college what we wanted to do; we wanted to work for NASA. How we arrived has a path of similar traits including going to public libraries to study, studying instead of talking on the phone for hours at a time, attending intellectual events that contribute to our understanding of the world around us and our desires for what we want to do in life, and generally, setting the academic path that others find odd and in some cases insane. We made it to our destination and are proud of the path we took.
So when we marry, and work to have a family, parents typically try to instill their values on their children and possibly spouses, because we found through experience it can produce desirable results; achieving a dream. But is it fair to expect those we love to follow our footsteps? Is it too much of an expectation that if what works for us, will work for everyone? These questions are why this post is presented. The answers to these questions are no and yes. It is unfair to expect our children to follow our footsteps, and it is too much of an expectation that what we do will work for everyone.
Where this is headed is this; I want my daughter to get straight A's in her grades so that she can make it to college to get an education to do what she really wants to do for the rest of her life. But are all A's the only way to get there? Maybe, maybe not. My daughter currently strives to get straight A's and succeeds, but at what cost? What is difficult in general is to expect someone to work extremely hard to get good grades, and not get an A for their work. I've been told I'm placing too much stress on my daughter to get straight A's. My daughter has even commented that it is my desire that drives her. My colleague, the angel, said is as long as your child works hard, does not distract themselves from their work, and gets the best grade they can, then that is what will lead to their success; not an A grade. So as we go through life, it is important to remind ourselves that as long as we work hard to achieve what we want, and get the grades we get, we know deep down we did the best we could do, and that is all that should ever be expected. While I will not back off on wanting my daughter to continue to strive for the great grades she obtains, I plan to be more forgiving if she does her best and is not quite able to achieve the A that we both want.
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