Conditional Respect

I have always considered myself a realist, not a visionary. Visionaries to me have ideas and ideals that transcend the rest of us. I tend to think in terms of what is possible and more likely possible. As a child I had become deeply interested in airplanes, aeronautics, and rocketry. I was always looking for more stimulus in these areas, and quite frankly could never seem to get enough. A result of this was that I felt less respected or tolerated among my peers and family. Yet I persisted.

When Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, I remember it, but really could have cared less. I was so infatuated with aeronautics at the time, and the thought of being with NASA was more of a visionary thought than a realist. Some might consider this to be a lack of self esteem or insecurity. To me, I knew my limits and that was fine with me. But it did sit in the back of my mind as I developed into the adult I am today. It wasn't until I made it to The Ohio State University that the possibility of being a NASA employee ever entered the realm of my thoughts. Further strengthening this was the acceptance into the advanced design class at OSU which was a 3 quarter class, not the standard single quarter. During that class, we interfaced with NASA and I began to understand that it was possible to work for NASA.

So when I received a job offer to become a NASA employee in 1999, my dreams had come true. I was on cloud nine. And to be honest, it changed my life. Working for NASA has been and continues to be an experience of joy and at times sincere despair. Working with some of the brightest minds in the world is simply amazing. Usually, there is very little communication problems among engineers and scientists that share a common job. Expanding into other circles brings along a certain level of communication problems, but breaking into unknown territory brings along communication and intent issues. Some personalities are so strong that they dominate the course of research, which has it's advantages and disadvantages. The advantage is that there is always support for that avenue. The disadvantage is lack of respect for alternate views. So the respect tends to be conditional; whether or not you support a particular direction in research. That's unfortunate because it is an indicator of an unwillingness to accept diversity in thought and divergent thinking; a type of thinking that tends to produce better solutions to tough problems.

But this is not the only exposure to conditional respect encountered as an employee of NASA. Everywhere I go, I am recognized as NASA if I have a NASA emblem on my shirt, my jacket, or even a hat. If I am introduced as NASA, it is clearly recognized. NASA continues to be held in the highest of reverence, both for creativity, ideas, innovation, breakthroughs and even a powerhouse of technology. But that's were the respect ends. As NASA it is fairly easy to get willing individuals and organizations to work with you, but money is commonly requested or expected. While staying at the Crown Plaza Astor in the French Quarter of New Orleans, I filed a form that exempts Federal Employees from having to pay an occupancy tax for the hotel stay. At the time of check out, the form was deemed invalid, and was not accepted; the hotel wanted its money even though it was not entitled to it. This type of behavior has also been observed at the Virginia Aquarium and Marine Science Center. In an attempt to barter entry into a NASA course, NASA simply wanted to use their classroom facility and possibly a tour of the facility for a class on Creativity and Innovation. Through the entire visit, NASA was told of the cost to do business with the VAMSC. It is interesting to note that they expected NASA to provide both funding and free entry into a class that usually runs about $1500 per person. Again, conditional respect.

Finally, the type of respect I am discussing seems to occur in personal relationships. All too often I've been told, when I was married, my mother-in-law only loved me because I loved her daughter. Otherwise she had no respect or love for me at all. A clear result of the divorce is that my ex-wife's mother does not even accept that I even exist, let alone am in the same room if I am there. It seems hypocritical, but more importantly, it is simply conditional respect.